Redux
by eyrianone
Summary: A decision - on a swing set - in the pouring rain. One-shot.


**Title**: Redux

**Author:** eyrianone

**Summary: **A decision - on a swing set - in the pouring rain.**  
**

**Rating:** K

**Spoilers:** Promos / Sneak Peaks for Always

**Disclaimer:** (From ViaLethe) – 'Words are mine. World ain't.'

**A/N: Sap, this is sap. Blame the sneak peak with Castle grinding out his words as his voice breaks and he's fighting not to cry - because Nathan's talent is seriously killing me.**

* * *

re·dux

_adj._

Brought back; returned. Used post-positively.

* * *

The rain is coming down hard from a cloud-darkened sky. Down-pouring in fact and so she's a solitary figure on the playground swing set. Torrents of water stream down her pale face, some of them are slightly warmer than the others as the downpour masks her tears.

Kate's so tired.

Just so drained. This momentary respite desperately needed as she sits and tries to corral her thoughts - letting the weight of these last few days flow out of her like a flood.

She looks around her. There are a few brave souls dashing madly by hunched under their umbrellas, but she sits mostly unnoticed - so lonely.

She's at a corner or is it a crossroads – she can't decide on a metaphor – but whichever way she slices it up this is the biggest decision of her life, she can just feel that. She can feel it in the tight knot of anguish sitting beneath her scar and the echoes of Castle's pleas that reverberate around her mind.

_I love you . . . if that means anything to you – please . . . don't do this._

_They will kill you Kate._

He didn't add that her death would break him, and he didn't have too – because she already knows.

And it's the only reason she's still alive.

The only reason she can think of for coming so close – once again – to the answers she seeks and finding herself out here – honestly contemplating just walking away - instead of going back to the precinct, retracting her hasty and angry resignation and getting back to work.

Letting it go, letting it all go is so impossibly hard. But letting it go and being more than okay with that - being okay with not forever seeing it as a place where she failed – but the point in time where she chose him (them) over her vengeance - that's what this decision is.

Because Kate finally sees that what she's always been seeking – is revenge – not justice. Because how could there ever be justice – or a fitting punishment – or some closure for the loss of her mother and the theft of the last thirteen years of her life?

Years where she's been a shadow, a half a person living in a stone jail of her own construction and holding on so tightly to the past, to the mother she loved and lost, that there was no room within her to love anything or anyone else.

Until suddenly there was - because there was Castle.

Castle who materialized inside the jail beside her – coming and going freely and warming her frozen heart, thawing it out, forcing it to grow bigger and be used until it could love him enough to want to be free.

He's become her courage now. He's become the key.

He's the way out, the way forward - he's the only possible decision Kate realizes.

There is a pointless death chasing dragons that changes nothing.

Or there is a life with Castle.

The first choice is easier maybe – but the second one is her salvation.

The cop used to truly believe that without her mother's case to define her - she was nothing. And she continued to believed it until he loved her enough to make her his everything

So she cannot - she will not end _his_ world for this.

Not even for her mother.

And she doesn't feel guilty about it she realizes – she just finally feels – free.

Kate looks up at the sky and closes her eyes, lets the rain wash away the tears and the pain – and then she finally goes to him.

Without her doubts.

Without her walls.

Into the strength of his arms, and the heat of his kiss.

"I love you enough to walk away from her." She whispers to him.

"Truly?" He asks. "Truly Kate."

She nods and kisses him again, pulls him along behind her - into his bedroom.

"Always." She promises. "Always Rick."


End file.
